next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
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