She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Randomize
