I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Randomize
