go do what you do best...puke behind churches
oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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