He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
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