i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
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