please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize