you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Randomize
