They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
