I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
