You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
