just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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