I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
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