If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
