I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
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