my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
