Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
