just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Randomize
