I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
Randomize
