the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
I wear drunk well.
Randomize
