haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
