You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
