I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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