He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize