nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
