My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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