no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
