real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
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