Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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