Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Randomize
