I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
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