He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
Randomize
