There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Randomize
