I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
