too bad you live with your parents still
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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