ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Randomize
