just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
