just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Randomize
