is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Randomize
