laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Randomize
