you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
I would fuck him just for his dog
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Randomize
