i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Randomize