Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Randomize
