You're my little dorito
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Randomize
