so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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