like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
