when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
