idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize
