I didn't shave. On purpose
goodnight i made you a song goodbye
it wasn't lemon gatorade
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
