I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Randomize
