just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Randomize
