it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
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