the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
