nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
