I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
