My friends, they love my intelligence
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
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