I'm so fucking centered right now
On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
