What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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