just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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