she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
a search helicopter?!
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Randomize
