Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Randomize
