Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
I take back everything I said about communal showers
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
