So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
