sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Randomize
