FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
