I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
