Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
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