I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Randomize
