If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
