I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
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