I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
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