Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Randomize
