I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
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