My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
