I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
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