What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
