how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Randomize
