i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize