the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Randomize
