halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
I would fuck him just for his dog
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
