cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Randomize
