I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
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